it's taken a lifetime to lose my way
by MissingMommy
Summary: Complications arise during the birth of his third child, and Bill must learn how to raise his three children by himself. :: Warning for death following childbirth.


I'm Harpies Captain for season 6. I've chosen Bill out of the choices

* * *

He doesn't know when it all went wrong. One moment, he fawns over his newborn son, filling his already full heart with more love as he counts ten little fingers and ten little toes, while holding his wife's hand with a big smile. The next, he's been pushed out of the room. Before long, a woman dressed in blue robes tells him his wife has died.

Fleur is dead.

His heart skips a beat and it feels like the world stops turning. His eyes burn with tears. "No, no, no, she's not. She can't be. _She can't._ "

She only gave birth, not had surgery. She's barely thirty; her pregnancy was unexpected, not dangerous.

Louis startles awake and starts to scream. Bill rocks him gently and makes shushing noises as best he can. He tries, dear Merlin does he try, but he finds he can't calm a baby down when he's upset. The Healer reaches out to pick him up when he hears his name.

Turning, he sees Fleur's little sister. Gabrielle has grown from the ten year old girl he first met into a breathtakingly beautiful woman like her sister. Her cobalt eyes flicker in between the Healer and Bill, and all he can do is inhale shakily. Tears well in her eyes, but they don't fall.

"Send for his maman, Molly Weasley," she commands, her voice thick with a French accent. Then she crosses the remaining distance and picks Louis up from his arms. Despite not being one for children, she rocks Louis back and forth, calming him as if it's second nature.

Bill cries harder at the scene; it should be Fleur rocking Louis, not Gabrielle. His vision blurs. He swipes away the tears with the back of his hand as he shakes. He doesn't know how long time has passed before he's pulled into a hug.

He knows it's his mum by her warm embrace. He sinks into it as she rubs soothing circles on his back. It's been decades since his mum last pushed her hand through his hair comfortingly and he just cries, cries until he has nothing left in him. He feels exhaustion deep in his bones.

With sudden clarity, he remembers his daughters, who his parents were watching while they were at St Mungo's. He straightens. His voice is rough when he speaks, "Where's Tori and Dom?"

"Your father's watching them. We thought it would be best to keep them at home until we heard more," she answers. Her eyes are sad and her voice holds sorrow when she continues on. "The Healer told me what happened. I'm so sorry, dear."

He shakes, swallowing thickly. "I can't do this without her."

His mum cups his cheek, forcing him to meet her warm brown eyes. "I know it doesn't feel like it right now, dear, but you can. You have to. You don't have another choice."

"I don't know how to do this without her, Mum," he admits softly. He feels childish when he says, "I don't want to."

"I know. This is the most terrifying thing you'll ever face, but you're not alone. You'll never be alone. We're all going to be there for you, the girls, and Louis," she tells him firmly. "We're always going to be there."

He inhales sharply. Guilt rushes over him. He got so caught up in his grief he didn't allow for his sister-in-law a chance for hers. "I need to get Louis from Gabrielle."

Reluctantly, he pulls away from his mum and starts to seek out his sister-in-law. Not too far down the hallway, he can hear Gabrielle singing a soft melody for Louis, one that Fleur used to sing to Victoire and Dominique when they were young.

Tears sting his eyes. He thought he cried all the tears he had. His mother reaches her first. She gently picks up Louis from Gabrielle's arm, and with a quick "Accio" and a warming spell, she offers the bottle to her grandson.

His protest get caught in his throat because Louis needs calming comfort and he doesn't have that to offer. He finds his arms full of Gabrielle, who sobs into his chest. It only causes Bill to cry more. He wraps his arms around Gabrielle tightly, remembering a time when it was his sister sobbing into his chest.

Dear Merlin, how is he going to tell his daughters that their maman isn't coming home?

* * *

By the time he gets back to the Burrow later that day, he is so exhausted that he could sleep for a week. Excited yells ring out the moment he steps through the Floo.

Victoire and Dominique wear grins on their faces as they crash into his body. "Papa, Papa!"

He leans down and picks them both up. They're both getting too big for this, but he likes to indulge them as often as he can. He's thankful when he notices his dad casting a featherlight spell on them; it makes holding them much easier.

His mum steps out of the Floo a few moments later, holding Louis in her arms. The baby had been dressed warmly for the trip to compensate for the chilly March air.

"Where's Maman?" Victoire asks, her eyes darting from him to her grandmother. "Papa, where's Maman?"

Even though he's been mentally preparing for this conversation all afternoon, his heart still breaks hearing the question. He places them back on the floor and kneels down to their level. Victoire inherited her maman's blue eyes and the freckles across her nose from him; Dominique looks at him with warm brown eyes she inherited from his side of the family. They are too innocent for this.

"Maman isn't coming home," he answers. It still doesn't feel real as he repeats the Healer's words from earlier. "Do you remember me telling you about Uncle Fred?"

The girls nod. They both shift as if they're in trouble and he's scolding them.

"Maman's with Uncle Fred now," he says, his voice breaking.

Dominique starts crying, which cause Louis to cry again. His mum slips passed them, going to the kitchen, with his son. "I want Maman."

Tears well in his eyes and he swallows thickly. He knows Victoire and Dominique need comfort right now more than he needs to cry. He can cry tonight after the two of them are in bed.

"I know, sweetheart," he whispers, gathering Dominique in his arms. Her arms wrap around his neck and she sobs into his neck.

Victoire is trembling when he looks up, her eyes watery. He uses his free hand to pull her towards him, wrapping his arm around her. It's not too long before she is crying into the other side of his neck.

He stays, kneeled on the floor of the Burrow's living room, holding his two daughters until they cry themselves to sleep. His dad helps take the two of them to his old room, tucking them into bed. He brushes his lips against Victoire's forehead, murmuring a soft, "Sleep well, princess," as he pulls the blanket over her body before doing the same to Dominique.

He stands at the door and watches them sleep for a long moment. In just two weeks Dominique will be five, and Victoire is two months shy of her seventh birthday, and Fleur won't be around to see it.

He swallows and shuts the door. He has other things to worry about. His parents are sitting together in the living room. His dad hold Louis easily, feeding him a bottle.

He sinks down into the couch, rubbing his hand over his face. When his dad is finished burping his grandson, Bill takes him into his arms. Louis blinks up at him slowly, and he wonders if he'll keep the dark blue eyes that are so much like Fleur's.

"Thank you for everything," he whispers, trying to keep his voice soft so he doesn't startle Louis again. "I don't know what I would've done without you today."

"I'll go dig out the baby carriage. It's somewhere in the shed," his dad says, clapping him on the shoulder. "A few spells and it'll be ready for the little tyke."

His dad levitates the vanilla-white carriage into the house and up the stairs. Bill takes over Percy's old room for the night so he's close enough to hear the girls without disturbing them. Louis never stirs as Bill transfers him from his arms into the carriage. He's so exhausted, he falls asleep the moment his head touches the pillow.

He wakes two hours later to Louis crying and Victoire and Dominique in the doorway.

* * *

It's only after the funeral that he has a chance to speak with Gabrielle. He holds Louis to his chest as he watches his parents and siblings try to keep his daughters entertained.

"I never did thank you for what you did at St Mungo's," he says, feeling the urge to cry creep back on him. He swallows. "It wasn't your responsibility to take care of him and I should have never put you in that position, especially given she's your sister."

Gabrielle puts a hand on his arm. "At that time, only one of us could fall apart. You don't have to apologize for loving her so much that you fell apart. I'm just glad that she had someone who loved her that much."

She sounds older than her twenty-one years. Her eyes hold sadness that he'd never wish on anyone.

"I did love her. I still do," he says.

"That's all that matters," she tells him. "But thank you, for letting me cry all over you at St Mungo's."

He gives her a small smile, the first since Fleur died. "Anytime, kiddo. I'll always be there for you."

She holds her arms out for Louis. He shifts his son into her arms without complaint. "That goes two ways, frere. I have no doubt that you'll manage this just fine by yourself, but if you ever need any help, just owl me."

He nods at her. All he's experienced in the days leading up to Fleur's funeral is overwhelming amount of sympathies and offers for help. While he's not quite sure how he's going to handle this, he knows he'll never be alone. Not when he has family.

* * *

The train whistles and Louis pushes the cart holding his trunk ahead of them. Dominique hugs Bill tightly and promises to write. The action seems to remind his son because he darts back to Bill and wraps his arms around him.

"I'll write as soon as I get sorted, Papa," he promises.

Through the fog, Bill sees his sister and youngest brother both waving their youngest off for their first year. Louis quickly catches up with Lily and Hugo. He watches until Louis' strawberry blond hair disappears from view.

Dominique has joined her friends on the train. And Bill smiles at the train. All of his children have started Hogwarts, the first step for growing up, and he feels happy and sad.

"I wish you were here to see this, love," he whispers to himself.

His mum was right; the last eleven years have been some of the most difficult and rewarding years of his life. But he's done what he thought he couldn't do—raise them by himself.

* * *

Hogwarts, assignment 1: Muggle Arts, task 1 - Writing about facing a loss (can be any kind of loss)

Character Appreciation: 11. Father and daughter

Cookie's: knit stitch - include a character whose name starts with V

Buttons: W3 - freckles

Ami's Audio: 6. Write a fic where the main theme is not about romance

Em's Emporium: 19. Write about a saintly character

Angel's Arcade: 2. Smoke: (weather) fog, (dialogue) "Sleep well, princess.", (plot point) holding hands, (emotion) exhaustion

Lo's Lowdown: C1 - Single Parent!AU

Bex: C1 - Alternatively, write about someone making the best of a bad situation

Days: international widow - Write about a widow

Colors: vanilla

Musicals: 20. write about an unexpected pregnancy

Gryffindor: Bill, Molly

Dragons:

Writing month:

Chocolate: truffle - bittersweet

Amazing women: mother

Gobstones: white stone - mourning; accuracy - blanket, power - innocent, technique - mother

Tea: Citrus Shortbread: (theme) Family

Sherlock: Accio

Insane: 66. Pairing - Bill/Fleur

365: 34. Single parent!au


End file.
